Dear 28,
Is life really short? Or were we all lied to just so we could run against the wind and set unrealistic deadlines for ourselves? Or is this just the ramblings of a girl who feels she has not accomplished anything at 28?
28, I set so many deadlines for you — career, love, money, family. They were never initially for you though. They were meant for 25 and that didn’t happen so I pushed them to you. A month ago I had decided I was going to push them to 30 cos I didn’t foresee anything changing between then and now. Well, something has changed — my mindset. I’m not pushing anything to 30; it all ends with you — the weight of unfulfilled expectations.
I am letting it all go — the crazy deadlines that have kept me in anxiety and panic mode for the last 3 years. What if I had let things be and not tried to interfere with every turning point cos everything had to go according to plan. If there’s anything 27 and the other years past have told you about me, it’s that I am an obsessive planner. I plan everything — my words, my actions, my reactions, my dreams, my goals; it all had to move me in one way, in one direction and to one destination: my happily ever after. I thought planning would keep me in check but my plans were driven by fear. I have interfered with things for so long, wondering how every decision would take me a step closer or further to my happily ever after. And only now have I realised the obvious deficiencies in my plan; allowing myself to be led by fear.
28, I want to enjoy you, I want to live you. My happily ever after is not some destination I am travelling to. My happily ever after is now. Living in the moment. Enjoying the little laughs I get on a sad day. Collecting the memories as I go, working hard and playing harder.
27 taught me so many things, it has been one of my most memorable years. 27 taught me to choose myself…hard. 27 showed me I needed to tell my story, I needed to be the writer of my own script — I’m still working on this, and I hope to tell more stories with you. Lastly, 27 made me dream again by showing me I am capable of anything I set my mind to.
So 28, there is no plan — or maybe one plan. Living my life the way it ought to be lived. Choosing myself more and blowing my trumpet. No more stupid deadlines. And by next year, when 29 comes around, I hope you get to tell my story to 27 and the other years past especially 20. Tell them I’m living in the moment, and most importantly tell them I’m writing my story.
So maybe life is not short after all or I’m just saying so to make myself feel good. Either way, I’ll probably be doing this till 99 so why the rush? It’s just 28.
The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives — Psalm 37:23
